Merry Christmas!
We have now gotten through holiday #2 and are all doing very well I think. I am visiting family right now and my sister has gone above and beyond to help make this a happy time for me and the kids. She has made her home so warm and welcoming and I could never thank her enough for that. She has made sure I'm very busy,too, which is the best gift of all.
We were able to video-chat with our soldier last night and it was really great. He got to see my sister's family and talk to them a little and he got to talk to our boys and I for quite awhile. He waited to open presents from us so that we could see him on the web-cam and I think the kids really liked that. He looked really good and was so upbeat and positive for the kids.
We finally had a chance to chat alone and we talked and daydreamed about his homecoming. It won't be too much longer. I was proud of myself for not crying in front of the kids but I just couldn't keep it together for my soldier. I tried so hard but the hardest part was saying good-bye when he had to go to breakfast. I promised him I wasn't sad like this all the time and that I would be just fine in a few minutes. I don't think he believed me! I hated to do that in front of him on the web-cam. I kept from completely falling apart until the computer was turned off and then I sobbed like a fool. I thought I might just get away with a few tears but no such luck. It was good though. I need to release that stuff so that I'm not holding on to it and making it worse.
We are all getting through our day so far. We don't have much longer to go. Only one more holiday left and then we can start focusing on making his homecoming a great one. Man, I really miss him so very much. This is so hard, I knew it would be - no matter how many people told me it would be fine. I appreciate that but I also wish that friends would just let me be ok with the fact that sometimes it really is just too hard to take but that it's ok to feel that way. I know we will survive, we always do.
Thank you for all of your positive thoughts and prayers and for all of you that sent my soldier a care package. You will never know how much that means to those guys who are so far away from home.
Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year!

Weekly Weigh- In With the Sisters

Ok so I am down a whole pound and that is after falling off the low-carb bandwagon yesterday and picking up fast food for the kids and I. I know, that's like a sin or something but unfortunately I have yet another final and I've been doing nothing but studying and breathing for the past 4 days!

I feel like I am on a roller coaster with weight gain. I lose it for awhile and then I think I'm fine and what's one little donut.....or 2 or 6? Then it slowly creeps back up until the ol' jeans aren't feeling too good right out of the dryer. I have to confess that food is my stress reliever. Although when I think about it, it only lasts for a few minutes and the stress is still there. I've always known that I'm a much better exerciser than a 'dieter' but right now I'm just trying to find enough hours to sleep, take care of 3 kids, study, clean, study.......you get the idea, right?

Enough excuses! I do want to be healthy and have more energy and I used to counsel people on weight loss a long time ago when we lived in Louisiana so I know all the rules on how to do it right. I just need to make that commitment. That seems to be the hardest part for me.
I have to add that I am proud of myself for losing that one pound and for not putting on the usual 20 that I do when my soldier deploys. BTW, for those of you who read me often, we are now at the 6 month point with only 2 left to go!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!
Hopefully by following the 'Sisterhood' I will be encouraged to stick with this and it will make me accountable. I used to work out with my SIL when we were all stationed together a year ago and having a partner made all the difference in the world. The Sisterhood is my partner now and I am excited already by the posts I've read and the weight loss that's been documented!
Keep it up, Sisters!

It Won't Be Long Now

I hope everyone had a wonderful and peaceful Thanksgiving. I want to thank everyone who was so supportive and left comments about my Wal-Mart experience. It's seriously great therapy!

Our Thanksgiving was good and bad, just as expected. Since I have written last, I have decorated my entire house for Christmas and had a friend from school, her husband, her sister and friend over for dinner on Turkey Day. Although my dinner was perfect, my table was gorgeous and my friends were a great distraction, I have to tell you that I had one hell of a time keeping it together.

I couldn't do the usual things that take place on Thanksgiving morning. I usually get up, prep the turkey and get it in the oven, watch the Macy's parade on T.V. and spend most of my morning and afternoon in the kitchen while the kids and my soldier play and frequently visit the kitchen to snack. This particular Thanksgiving, however, had a few curve balls in there for me.

I got up at 6:30 a.m.- no, I didn't need to prep the turkey that early- I tossed and turned and worried and went crazy all night long so finally when I rolled over and it was a decent enough hour to get up I thanked heaven and got in the shower. I just wanted to get this day started and over with. I got ready, had my coffee and started my ritual of watching the Macy's parade while doing my hair and I'm not sure what happened to me but I started to cry. Nothing sad, yet, on the show just the fact that I was watching it and having memories of Thanksgivings' passed I guess it got the best of me. Thank goodness the kids were still in bed.

Then, James Taylor sang America the Beautiful and I had to turn it off. I was sobbing by now and decided to call my sister in Indiana for some greatly needed support and focus. She just kept telling me it won't be long now and that I can do this- I have to do this. And she was right.

I pulled it together and got the turkey going and starting preparing other dishes for the dinner and was expecting my company by 2:00. I checked e-mail and my soldier had said they had prepared a very nice dinner for them and everything was really great but that he wasn't hungry. Ok, so I think I'm on crying spurt number 3 by this point. He's always hungry. He was obviously having the kind of day that I was and I couldn't do anything about it but to tell him how much I loved him and that it wouldn't be long now......keep telling yourself that, I thought.

The final straw that broke this Army wife's back was my little girl finally getting comfortable with our company and calling my friend's husband, 'Daddy'. I kept trying to tell her no, that it was Mr. Ryan but it didn't matter. I kept showing her our soldier's picture and she would say 'Daddy' and kiss the picture but she wouldn't call my friend by his name. Technically he is a soldier too and his hair is the same color and length as my soldier so maybe that was similar to her but I tell you, that was like a knife in the gut. My friend was comforting though and she kept reminding me that it won't be long now until he's home.

After they had gone, I was really doing pretty well. It was late and we were all getting ready for bed and I happened to notice that my oldest, Football, was trying to hide his pain and tears. Oh, God, how much more of this will I be able to take? I knew what I had to do. I just went over to him and wrapped my arms around him and said "It won't be long now."

We have all survived this holiday and are just looking forward to getting the other two under our belts because we know time will just fly by after that and then God willing he'll be home. I'm staying positive as best I can. I can't listen to Christmas music very much unless it's the 40's oldies that are so jolly and happy because otherwise I'm an emotional mess. I know I'm very blessed because I've never known the holidays to be any different than just happy and beautiful and joyful. So, my sadness makes me think of all those people out there who dread the holidays each and every year for one reason or another. Those are the people I want to pray for. Those are the folks that I wish would experience the kind of joy that I usually do this time of year. Because I have to tell you, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to fight through so far. I just miss him so very much. He's such a great part of this family and it's hard not to have our family complete during this time. We will get through this however. Like my sister said, we have to.

I will leave you with a few pictures of the house and the 'happy' that I've tried to spread throughout our home. I am ok. We all are. We are doing pretty well I think. Just please pray for my soldier and for my family that we continue to be safe and have the strength to get through this season.

This is little T-Monkey and her delight as she discovered the Christmas tree after her nap!

This is our 'Charlie Brown' Christmas tree! It's very little but the 9 footer we have is just too much for me to handle so we settled for something a little easier to manage.

I just love a pretty mantle at Christmas time, don't you?
And finally, the boys enjoying our 14 inches of snow we got today. It was so beautiful and quiet. I love how snow 'blankets' you like it did today. I hate to drive in it but I love it far more than I hate it.

Emotional Breakdown in Wal-Mart

So I get some bogus information that all Christmas packages going overseas needed to be sent by last Thursday. Some brilliant Army wife read it in the Army Times and told the rest of us at school. Sunday night I go to Wal-Mart frantically trying to scrounge things up and settle for a stocking instead of the tree I wanted to send because I was afraid he'd get it late and then have this sad little tree for nothing. It was just too much.

Then, it happened.

I completely lost all composure in the Christmas aisle at Wal-Mart. Endless tears streaming down my face all the while I'm cussing myself out because I'm so pissed for letting go like this in public. I keep telling myself everything is going to be ok, we'll get through these holidays with no problem and then we're in the home stretch for him to come home. I was pretty darn positive up until that point. Maybe it was the fact that I felt like he had to settle for last minute crappy gifts and a stocking instead of the tree and ornaments that each of the kids had picked out just for him. Maybe it was dreading the entire experience from the start because I knew how hard it was going to be to buy things for him and have to ship them a million miles away just so he could get them 'after' Christmas. Maybe I was so dang tired that I didn't have the strength to be strong anymore. I couldn't handle it. I tried everything in my power to stop the tears but it just wasn't going to happen. As I reached the check-out I apologized profusely for my inappropriate display of emotions and explained that my soldier wouldn't be with us this Christmas and it was our first holidays to ever be apart in his 14 years in the Army. She was very nice and proceeded to tell me that what I was doing happens all the time in this town. So in the spirit of letting it all out, I cried even harder! To think that she was so used to seeing so many other military spouses crying at check out is just unbelievable to me. I guess I'm not as isolated as I often feel.

On the way home I started to calm down but I remembered thinking how crazy my friend (whose husband left 2 months ago ) was for telling me that missing the holidays was no big deal. No big deal? To our family its a very big deal. I think she is one of many spouses who becomes a little jaded because the soldier is just gone so much that they become numb. My soldier told me in an e-mail that the group he joined over there had left last November (07) and would be coming home the same time he is. I can't even imagine. I suppose after 15 months the numbness would set in at some point. It's crazy to me that there is a rotation that sends our soldiers right before the holidays and lasts through two of them and ends after they are over. Why couldn't they have started the rotation in May so that these guys/gals could get home just in time for the holidays? I guess wars don't stop for Christmas time. Then, I started to get mad. Now I just want to start throwing all of the stuff that I just bought at anything and everything and stomp on it and rip it to shreds. This whole experience is just such a mixture of emotions that some days I just don't know if I'm coming or going.
You won't believe the ending here- I show up to school Monday - package all set and ready to be mailed right after class and the idiot woman who read the article told everyone not to panic - that she read the entire article and discovered that the post office said to mail it that early if you were going to send it parcel post and not priority. FYI, I have never sent anything overseas parcel post in fear of it getting to him after he has already re-deployed. Needless to say, she is NOT one of my favorite people.
Since then I have regained my composure and gotten the tiny tree and the wonderful ornaments the kids picked out all packed up and ready to go. I just keep praying every single day that I have the strength to keep my chin up and my smile on to be the rock my kids are depending on.
If I ever needed superhuman strength, its definitely right now.

Tagged (Man!)

Obviously I really suck at this whole blogging thing because Crooked Eyebrow tagged me for a post! Good times, eyebrow.

Here are the rules:

1. Each player starts with eight random fact/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose people to get tagged and list their name.
4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged and to read your blog.

Here are 8 random things about me:

1. My all time favorite Girl Scout is Ariel and my favorite Girl Scout cookie is Tag-A-Longs.

2. I am currently attending Dental Assistant school at which I have a 4.0 and hope to go on to Dental Hygiene school at some point.

3. I really do love the Army life even though my soldier seems to be gone quite a bit. It's the new places every couple of years that keeps me going.

4. I am the baby of my family with two older sisters and one brother.

5. I used to hate coffee with a passion but my coffee worshiping soldier and his family quickly changed all that. I must have yummy creamer in it and one packet of Splenda, however.

6. I not only love my mother-in-law, I really like her too.

7. I hate that I am pushed to the brink of road rage every day on my way to school.

8. Simple things like rainbows, freshly fallen snow on the mountains, vivid, green grass and the sun shining make me very happy.

Now I have to tag two people.........Congratulations:

Deconstructing Jen

A Day in the Life of the Ordinary

Tag! You're it!!

It's Been Awhile

I can't believe it's been a whole month since I've written last. Since then I have aced my finals, gotten certified to take x-rays in the dental office, have had a nervous breakdown (well, not technically but it sure felt like it) and have had the stomach flu in my house for an entire week. Crazy, right?
Since it is Veteran's Day I'd like to take this time to thank ALL Veterans everywhere for their devoted service to our country. I saw an older gentlemen with a Vietnam Vet hat on today at McDonald's and started to cry. I wish I could have had lunch with him or shaken his hand and listened to some of his stories. It's hard for me to fathom that my husband is a Veteran as well. Usually on this day I will make him a special dinner, bake his favorite cake (strawberry with strawberry icing) let him golf, not one but TWO rounds- and just celebrate him and all he has done for his family and his country. He is such an awesome soldier and one that the Army is very lucky to have. He is so strong and dedicated. I could go on for hours!
On that note, with a few tears streaming down my cheeks, I will get out of here as I have yet another 6 chapter test to study for tomorrow.
Please remember to keep all of our soldiers who are deployed and at home in your prayers and maybe look up the U.S.O. and see what you could do for them with the holidays coming up and so many of them being overseas during that time. Every little gesture or note or care package is so greatly appreciated and it really lifts their spirits- if even for just a moment.

Ok, so I know I'm a bad bloggy Mommy but I have been soooo incredibly overloaded with school that I honestly asked myself- just this week- "what the heck am I doing?" I have huge tests every week, 10 chapters of paperwork every week and not to mention lab days in the middle of it all that I have to test out of. CRAZY! I know I can handle it - I've done it before with surgery assistant school (he was deployed to Kosovo for that one...ugh.) but some days I come home and literally collapse.

My goal was to do school work and then blog before I go to bed. I'm so tired by the time I'm finished that I just don't have the brain power or the energy to write! So, I'm thinking I might try for once a week or maybe twice a week depending on my schedule. I was hoping to do so much more since this is the first deployment that I've ever 'journal-ed' before. There are so many things to talk about- so many things that a family experiences during a deployment that a lot of people don't even realize. So, I think I will truly make an effort to do better here. Maybe if I tell myself I don't have to write a short novel and maybe just a thought or two- it wouldn't seem so overwhelming!

So, to bring you up to speed- Thursday marked our 3 month milestone since he left. Three months down - 4-5 to go!! We don't know exactly when his return date is, hence the 4 or 5 months!

I also found out that one of my sweet boys (I won't say who to protect his privacy) is having a hard time adjusting to Dad being gone this time around. I guess I've been so busy that I haven't stopped to ask either one of them how they are coping. Major guilt here. I found out through a neighbor that he was really missing Dad and having a hard time thinking of anything else. Dang it. How did I not pick up on that? I feel so bad- like I missed the mark on this one. He talked to a neighbor and not me. This hits me hard. It would explain the report card he just brought home too. Am I being selfish with my own schooling that I don't pick up on the signals that I used to be so in tune with? I'm so worried about a 4.0 that I'm failing at home. I should be worried about getting a 4.0 at home instead. So, keep us in your prayers- that the time stretches so that I have enough to spread around to everyone that needs me.

On a brighter note, I actually put the books down yesterday to put up some fall decor and I took these pictures which I thought were just precious:

Isn't it fun to experience their first time to really notice things like pumpkins and decorations and be mesmerized by it? She sat there for the longest time just staring at Mr. Pumpkin and smiling and asking me what it was. It was such an awesome moment. One of those moments that I'll never forget and was so glad that I took the time to make the house decorative and fun for the season.

On that note, I think I'll go and watch a movie with my babies and enjoy them. I don't want to miss out on any more 'moments' this week.

A Real Live COPS Show

Ok, so remember how I told you I would tell you the kidnapper story over the weekend? I'm sorry, I lied. I ended up getting caught up in changing out the summer clothes to winter clothes for T-Monkey. This staying busy thing is kicking my butt! But, my hard work has paid off- I made straight A's for the first six weeks of school- I'm totally excited.
So since I have a moment and am actually caught up on studies, I will bring you up to date:
I get a call from my neighbor almost two Fridays ago during class. No one ever calls me during school so naturally I thought it was something to do with the kids. Anyway, she proceeds to tell me that there is a kidnapper loose trying to hide out in our neighborhood and not to go home but to come straight to her house so that the police could go in the house with me. Of course, this takes me a moment to process this info and I agreed with her and immediately called the school. See, Soccer is home alone for about 30 minutes after I leave and he is supposed to lock the door and get on the bus on time and so far this year he's done a fantastic job. I've always had reservations about this responsibility but a lot of family had said this would be good for Soccer. Reluctantly and with a lot of prayer, I decided to let him do this. My neighbors also peak out the window to make sure he makes it out of the house on time! My first thought is that I need to verify that he has indeed made it to school. They were able to find Football right away but were confused on what name I had given for Soccer and that he was in the middle school wing and not high school. They couldn't find him for about 10 minutes. They finally found him at lunch when they figured out his correct name. I have never had a panic attack before in my life- I had one that day. I sobbed for an hour at least. You know I would never forgive myself if anything ever happened to him because I didn't listen to my 'mother's instinct.' Needless to say, he goes to the neighbor's house in the mornings when I leave now. I think we all feel better about this new arrangement!
Ok, so I get to my neighbor's house after school and then she fills me in on the facts:
The man had kidnapped a woman and held her at gunpoint and forced her to drive him - Their car breaks down at the exit off the interstate where my neighborhood is. Somehow, she escapes from him and is able to make it to this tiny little museum at the corner and finds three gentlemen that help her and call the police. The manhunt is now on and he's been spotted in several different locations in the neighborhood and is believed to have robbed another woman in the area who had left her door unlocked- he assaulted her and took her money and jewelry. Scary, right?
By the time I get home, cops are at every block on my street- HE WAS SEEN ON MY STREET. I'm not sure how to handle all of this but my neighbor and I went to the nearest detective, told him I just got home from school and would he have someone go in the house with me. He sent two other detectives down to go in- without me. I had to wait in the car, across the street and watch these officers with weapons drawn screaming and yelling to clear my house. Again, I'm totally crying and just scratching my head that this is happening in my neighborhood.
The house is clear and they tell me to lock up and keep the lights on. Duh. I want Ft. Knox security at this point. Then one of my other neighbors comes yelling down the street that she'd been trying to call me all day (she was calling the house phone) and that she had noticed that Soccer had -LEFT THE FRONT DOOR OPEN this morning and wanted to let me know that she had stopped SWAT and asked them to clear the house for me while I was gone. So, the SWAT team and their dogs cleared my house too. Isn't this story just bizarre?
Oh and I forgot to mention that the local news channel had gotten word of my house being checked twice and came down and interviewed me. Of all the days for the house to look like a tornado had gone through. What are the chances? It was soooooo messy. Oh well, at least the freak didn't hole himself up in my unlocked open-doored house, right?
Oh- and I now have ADT installed and that's a whole other story for another time. It ends with me getting two months for free and waiting for the electrician today. Ugh.

I'm Still Here!

I'm sorry its been so long since I've posted and a lot has happened to include a kidnapper running loose in the neighborhood last weekend. That ended with SWAT in my house and me on the news. Interested? It's not as dramatic as it sounds but it was still scary. I promise to fill you in soon, k?
Anyway, I am currently enduring finals week so that's why the big absence. I have had 6 major projects due, finals over the material of the last six weeks to study for and about 40 brownies to bake for Football's team dinner tomorrow night. Yeah, I know....
So, I will be back in full swing this weekend. I will update you on everything this past week and let you know if I aced my exams or not- I'm really hoping I do! Next week I start upstairs in the Dental Lab and I can hardly wait. Football, Soccer and T-Monkey are all doing well and so is our soldier. Keep praying for him, though. He is working very long hours and I think it might be catching up with him.
Until we meet again, take care and thanks for reading!!!

Good Things Come in Two's?

I don't know if the title statement is true or not but two very good things happened to me today despite almost getting run over by a maniac on the highway pretending that he was in the Indy 500. Side note- Colorado drivers are nuts. I missed a big event yesterday- We have officially reached the 2-month mark since my soldier left!!! I'm so excited. I guess its good being busy even though sometimes I just want to take a Calgon moment and shut myself in my room for and hour and slow down. The 'busy' is what makes it so great when we can mark off another month. Only 6 more to go, my friends!
See! I even have it on my calendar and I just noticed it today! Scary...

The second great thing is that I captured another double rainbow right outside my house. God sure has been awfully generous with these rainbows during this deployment and its such a blessing. Sometimes I feel so scared and nervous - especially after watching the depressing news. Doesn't it seem like it's always so bad? Anyway- this rainbow lifted me up and helped to reinforce my faith. I just wish that I could be faithful like this all the time. It's that damn fear that creeps in and takes over when you least expect it. So, signs like this are like pure heaven to me. I am so grateful.

Isn't it just so vibrant and beautiful? I took this picture standing in my garage. P.S. I LOVE my neighbors yellow house- it's so happy looking, don't you think?

And finally- I would like to take just a sentence or two to thank all of you for commenting on my posts. I REALLY appreciate all of you and I can't tell you how much encouragement I take in just from reading your comments. Thank you from the bottom of my heart- it means the world to me!

Roller Coaster

I'm sitting here, in the dark with only the light of the computer and listening to the most sappy love songs you could imagine. From the likes of Celine Dion to Wham to Vanessa Williams- the list goes on. I feel so weird this evening. And its not from being sicker than a dog because I have been in a classroom with about 20 other dog-sick people for the past week. Ugh.
I think its because the weekend is here and that is when I miss him the most- because I have the time. Friday night, nowhere to go and no one to run anywhere. Just me and my computer and my thoughts.
I have his picture posted above my computer screen and every time I look at it- it makes my heart hurt. My bones literally ache for him. Too mushy, right? Sorry. Its amazing what happens when I let myself think- when I stop for just a moment its like every feeling associated with this damn deployment rears its ugly head. For instance, I managed to get T-Monkey's curly, twirly hair in a ponytail tonight and at first it made me happy because she looked so stinkin' cute but then, when I thought of snapping a photo and sending it to her daddy, I cried. I cried because I didn't know if it would make him too sad to see her look different and older. She did look like such a little girl instead of a little baby. He has expressed to me several times that he hoped things wouldn't change too much while he was gone. I'm doing everything in my power to keep things just as they were when he left but unfortunately I don't have a magic wand that I can wave to stop time until he's done with this damn deployment. Yes, I'm mad at this deployment - I hate having so many emotions go up and down like a roller coaster at any minute of the day. It really takes a toll on you after awhile.
I know some of you comment that you hope there are happy times and that its not always 'bad' for us. We do have happy times, I promise! In fact Soccer and I cracked up today all the way from the doctor's office because of something he said. Me: "Its so good that you've gained weight , Soccer! Now you can sit in the front seat because you're heavy enough to turn on the airbag!" Soccer, with a confused look on his face: "you mean its a good thing that I'm big enough now to get hit by the airbag?" I swear I laughed for 20 minutes! When you think about it - it's really not a good thing! He's such a comdedian. And yesterday, Football and I celebrated all the way home from his football game because he had some awesome blocks. That being said, this blog for me is to share what I feel when I feel it and not to censor. I hope that is ok....and obviously I don't write everyday- its too hard sometimes! So when I get the urge to write- I do. I don't want to write everyday just to say that I did it. I want it to mean something, you know?
On a better note, then, I can't believe how much of a positive outlet this has been for me as well. It does help me release the negative and it allows me to recognize what I'm feeling sometimes so that I can take ownership of it and learn from it. I have a few young military wives in my class who's husbands are set to deploy in May- I hope that what I learn or have learned so far will help them in some way. I've already passed out my number and offered any advice or information that may help them if they need it. They've had a lot of questions and hopefully I have helped in some way. I hope they are better prepared for this than I was the first time he left. That is my goal for them, anyway.
So there it is- my thoughts - up and down- just like my evening has been. Now what on earth can I do tomorrow to stay busy?

Hurricane Gustav

As I sit here watching the reports on Hurricane Gustav is gives me much anxiety and worry for those we left behind in Louisiana when we moved. We lived through Katrina back in 2005 and of course, my soldier was in Iraq during that time too! I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was at work and my soldier was trying everything to get through to me because the Engineers in Iraq were tracking the storm. When he finally got through- he told me to send everyone home and pack my bags and get out ...NOW. I was scared to death. I'm alone, I have the two boys, a dog and two cats. I have no way to board up my house or even have time to gather everything I want to try and save. I did the best that I could and just focused on getting my children and myself to safety. Back then, my neighbors thought I was nuts for leaving so early (2 days early) because all of the hurricanes in the past had turned just in time and they were convinced we would be fine. A lot of lessons were learned after Katrina devastated southern Louisiana.

After having about an hour of nervousness because we couldn't find ANY gas, we finally found this tiny little gas station in the middle of nowhere and filled up. The boys and I have never prayed so hard in our lives. We made it all the way to Indiana safely and then we just had to wait until a neighbor could call us and tell us if the house survived or not. That was the longest week of our lives I think. Dan was being prepped to come back home as his commander knew that they would need him more in New Orleans and we would definitely need him at home. When we finally got the call that the house was ok I think I cried for 20 minutes. No water damage, no broken windows...nothing. We were the lucky ones. Two houses down, a tree fell on half of the house and destroyed it. Amazing.

Dan flew in successfully to Shreveport and then drove the rest of the way in. I drove from his Mom's house to meet him without the kids- not knowing what we would encounter. So our second reunion from a deploment was met with downed trees, no power, a very stinky fridge and just pure devastation all around us. We actually had three trees fall on our house but absolutely no damage. Well, except for one little branch through the roof. I'll take that. It was so surreal and everything had changed. It was so emotional.

We spent the next few days reaquainting while cleaning up debris and bleaching out a fridge and helping neighbors clean up as well.

We ended up being so blessed through the whole experience. A lot of my friends and co-workers weren't so lucky. Here are some pictures of our experience with Katrina in 2003. I ask that all of your prayers today are for the people of New Orleans and surrounding areas that are bracing for what could be another storm of devastation.

This is the back of our house. When we walked in the front door, this is what we saw. Our backyard was unbelievable. It was surreal to see all those trees pushed up against our house yet the only real damage was our fence was destroyed. Blessings I tell ya.

Our neighbors were so sweet that despite all of the mess and craziness, they still managed to put a Welcome Home balloon on our mailbox for Dan. It still makes me cry to see this!
This was the scene of our backyard. It still amazes me that our house was virtually untouched. I always say that it was as if God had picked up all of those trees and laid them gently on the house. It was a miracle.
This was one of the local schools that was completely destroyed. All the schools had to start new schedules because they had to 'borrow' another school's building for the kids that were displaced. Some went in the morning and some went in the afternoon.
This was the scene driving into the neighborhood. Every neighborhood in the area had a 'boil water' sign as you entered.
This is what was left of my job. I managed a weight-loss clinic. The owner lost all of her clinics- 4 total between New Orleans and Alabama.
We had service people from all over come to help clean up and provide red-cross services. We also had police from all over the country to help with safety and utility trucks from all over that came to help get power restored as quickly as possible. America is great, huh?

I have so many more and maybe I'll share some tomorrow. Don't forget to pray....

Bittersweet Birthday

Tomorrow, my little angel turns 2. I just can't believe it. It was seriously yesterday when I had her, I could swear by it. Football, Soccer and I celebrated her special day today, however so that when her daddy gets up in the morning in Iraq- he can enjoy the videos and pictures on her actual birthday instead of being delayed a day. He's 9 hours ahead of us so it gets kind of tricky sometimes.

I was doing really well today. I got up, cleaned the kitchen, baked the cake, wrapped the presents and got everything prepared for the after-dinner festivities. Then, when I asked Football to get the video camera I had to excuse myself for a minute. This rush of tears just came over me and I couldn't fight it. It was so intense. I felt like I had been hit by a car - it came out of nowhere. All I could think about was how my soldier is going to feel in a few hours when he gets up and realizes its his baby girl's 2nd birthday and he can't be here to kiss her little face and look into her little eyes and tell her happy birthday. I know what he will be thinking and I know he will have a sick feeling in his stomach all day. I know that he will love the videos and pictures that we took but at the same time it will break his heart. Gosh- this is so freakin' hard. I'm so thankful and happy to have this beautiful little girl in our lives and to be able to celebrate another birthday with her and the boys and yet I am so, so sad that her daddy isn't here for this day. I'm so mixed up I don't know which way I'm going anymore.

I know I'll be fine and this day will soon pass. Half of me wants to savor it because I won't get it back and the other half just wants it to be over because the pain is too much at times.
I want to leave you with a happy moment from today. I think I'll print these pictures and put them on the fridge to keep the 'happy' up front in my mind. I need to do that for all of us.

Here she is after blowing out her candles- She doesn't waste any time!

This is the Teddy Bear Daddy wanted me to get for her. She loves it so much!

This one cracks me up because she is a tough little girl -especially with two brothers in the house but at the end of the day she is very feminine and loves her princess clothes!

Remember Me?

Hey there- No, I didn't drop off the face of the earth or hide out in my house and hope it would all go away! I just now have had a chance to actually sit and blog. For the first time since I don't know when I actually put cleaning, laundry and organizing before anything else...including blogging. I know - it's not nice but I had to catch up for my sanity. P.S. I've been doing laundry since Friday- I'm still not done. :(
I want to thank you all very much for your words of support and encouragement. I swear it helps and it gets me through these times and makes it seem not-so-hard. Since I rambled on last, I have aced two tests, gotten my house clean and filled the fridge and pantry. See how much you matter? Leaps and bounds, baby!
I saw this post over at Christy's and I thought it was pretty fun so in the spirit of keeping this short so I can actually sleep tonight, here goes: (Google your name plus the word needs and see what comes up!)
1. Teresa needs : to lay of the sauce! If that is referring to taco sauce, then yes, I do.
2. Teresa needs: one more miracle to become a saint. Ummm, not so much.
3. Teresa needs: you. Now more than ever!
4. Teresa needs: to build her own solid foundation. I think I've done a pretty good job with this one...it comes with age.
5.Teresa needs: to be a bit more secure with herself and relax. Totally.
6. Teresa needs: a finishing school. I don't, but several in my class, however.....
7. Teresa needs: to make a hard business decision. Not tonight- I'm way too tired.
8. Teresa needs: to vent from time to time. Duh.
9. Teresa needs: to raise $65,000. Just enough to pay for daycare.
10. Teresa needs: to know......
What do you need?

On My Own

Remember Irene Cara and the song/video "She Works Hard for the Money" and she comes home from working hard for the money only to walk into a disastrous mess made by the kids and a worthless husband? Well, that has been my life for two days...minus the worthless husband- he's anything but worthless, he's just absent.
I started Dental Assistant school on Monday (my first step toward becoming a hygienist) and have left the boys at home to maintain themselves for the 4 hours I'm in class since they don't begin school until Thursday. (Why start on a Thursday?) Anyway, I guess I wasn't specific enough when I said 'be good, don't touch the stove and keep the doors locked.' What I should have said was 'If you make a gigantic mess while I'm gone there will be swift beatings to follow.'
There was a trail of clothing from the kitchen/garage entry through the foyer, up the stairs and all the way to their room. Were they afraid they would get lost between the kitchen and the bedroom or were they trying to see how many clothes they could string through the house just for kicks? Who knows. I made the mistake of asking them to try on some of the clothes I just bought them to see if they would fit. I wasn't specific enough with that statement either.
Through the maze of clothes, I trip on light sabers, & a football and then stumble to the table to find a huge breakfast mess of juice glasses tipped over by cats and oatmeal 'cement' stuck inside the bowls. Now, keep in mind I have not raised my boys like this. I have tried to instill the importance of picking up after yourself and being a contributing part of the family. I felt like I walked into a frat house and they were surprised by the Den Mother paying a visit.
I'm still keeping it together, not screaming just yet until I get a good whiff of my all time pet peeve- the litter box. I swore that if I ever smelled the litter box while coming through the front door I would give the kitties away to another loving family. I despise that smell. It's also one of their daily jobs to maintain it and empty the receptacle every other day since we have two cats. We have an automatic litter box that, up until today, I really loved. It's broken. The motor got off the track somehow and now it's a little crooked and won't stop going back and forth unless you manually flip the switch. I still haven't given up but my patience is definitely running out. I clean the entire thing out and put new litter in all while sweating to death, gagging from the smell and thinking I should be studying right now because the baby is sleeping. I flip the top of it over that houses the motor for the scooper and try to see if I can 'muscle' it and get the turning wheel on the right track. After 45 minutes and flipping litter in my face and practically breaking the stupid thing I threw in the towel and started to sob. That's right. I sobbed like I have never sobbed before and the boys are looking at my like I finally have gone Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs and need to be institutionalized. 'Why is Mom crying over the cat box,' Soccer asks innocently. I just keep sobbing.
It's not the silly litter box- it's the day in and day out of doing it all on my own. I'm not ashamed or feel like less of a woman for not knowing how to fix a stupid motor on a litter box. I'm not ashamed for wishing the man of the house were here to fix the small stuff that breaks every once in awhile. I am ashamed, however, for losing it in front of Soccer and Football and throwing a mountain sized tantrum in the process. Lately- I feel I can't control my emotions. That small, insignificant happenings send me over the edge. There are times I feel like I can't think or multi-task like a normal mom should be able to. What has happened to me? I've been here before and yet I feel like it's the first time I've had to be a single mom for a few months.
I know that I need to take a deep breath and not sweat the small stuff but for some reason, I'm not following that advice. I need to change something or think back to when I've done this before and try to remember what I did just to stay sane. The only thing I can think of is that I had other military spouses next door for support. Right now, living here in this beautiful place, I am truly alone. It's a tough pill to swallow.

1 Down and 7 To Go!

Do you know what monumental thing I missed yesterday? Look:

Notice in the far right corner on Saturday the 9th. HOORAY, YIPEE, WOOHOO!!!!!!
I was filling out my August calendar (Iknow, 10 days late, whatever) on the fridge and realized we have put a whole month under our belts. How's that for time flying? It's like I blinked and it just flew by. I couldn't have felt this way if I hadn't gone on a road trip for 2 weeks that's for sure! Now, tomorrow, I'm starting school. (I'll post on that after my first day) Hopefully time will just continue to fly and we'll keep counting down the months.
I had originally thought to write about how crappy my day was. How my toddler will not let me have a moment to myself unless she's sleeping. How the stress has been strangling me all day because I am on my own. The only adult trying to keep up with this house and the bills and the chaos. Trying to send video mail every chance I get just to make him happy even when the kids won't cooperate and I hate looking at myself in it because I'm 30 pounds overweight. Then, I filled out my calendar. I'm encouraged. Drained, but encouraged. I know I can do this because it won't last forever and look at how the time passed by. Now, I've taken a deep breath, pulled some strength and calm from somewhere and feel I can possibly get through the evening without going to get a six-pack.......maybe!

Big Fan of Technology!

My soldier sent me this wicked cool computer camera from Logitech so that we can video chat as soon as he gets his laptop over there sometime in September. In the meantime, we can record video and take pictures and send them to him over e-mail with this incredible device and this is the first one I sent to him this morning:

Get a load of that bed-head!! Is this cool or what? I am so amazed at how easy it was to install and figure out how to use. I am in love. I am so computer - stupid too so you know it's super easy if I figured it out! Just thought I'd share a great moment with you. BTW, Dada loved it and he can't stop watching it. I've sent him more of the boys and he is just in heaven. I can't wait until he gets his on the other end! Bye for now...

To Vent and To Ramble

Ok- so this week is a hustle and bustle kind of week with orientations- my boys and mine- and the start of football practice and, well you know the deal.

So upon going to orientation for Soccer they discovered he didn't have a TB test on his records anywhere and it was, of course, required. I'm sure some military medic somewhere along the way forgot to write it down and now it's another errand on my list. How many of you have thought you've checked all the blocks, had all the necessary paperwork to include most of the contents of your entire file cabinet just to be safe and was so on top of things it's scary? Well so did I. No big deal, I thought. I'll go and get this TB test done and then, finally we will be all set.

I'm not sure anyone outside of the military life understands the hoops and hurdles that must be gone through in order to start your child at a new school. Every single state is different. Every single county is different. Every single school is different. It's really hard to keep up. With every change of residence it's like starting them in kindergarten all over again. Remember that?

So, anyway, that's the least of my issues considering I've done it about a thousand times and I've come to terms with it and have accepted this life and will endure the process. What I have issue with was the simple task of getting my child an appointment just to have this done. The military health care system is overloaded and understaffed therefore when calling the necessary number given to my soldier to give to me before deploying (supposedly a sure) thing I think I was transferred about 4 times. No lie. I was transferred, in my opinion, because everyone would rather pass you off to someone else instead of trying to help you because they are overloaded and day in and day out they tend to become tired of us simple Moms wanting annoying shots and tests like Soccer needs. God help me if any of the children get really sick.

I finally reach someone in the pediatric office to which Soccer is assigned and praise the Lord, I actually spoke to a nurse who was sympathetic, kind and did everything she could to point me in the right direction. She was my angel amongst chaos. Unfortunately, the nightmare doesn't end there.

Turns out I didn't need an appointment, I had to go to a different building up in the mountains somewhere and once there, find the immunization clinic. Ok, no problem, I have a GPS -the baby is at daycare and I can concentrate on finding the place. Found it.....wrong freakin' building....AGAIN! Before having a temper tantrum, the sort of disgruntled lady at the lab said there was a trailer somewhere outside and that's where I needed to go.

Me: "Can you tell me where the trailer is?"

Jackass behind the counter: "I really don't know, but I know it's out there".

Ummm, I'm dead serious. Scary, right?

Here we go again and I'm just trying to be thankful that T-Monkey isn't with us and whining, the boys are old enough to not throw a gigantic fit because they are hungry and after all, I could use the extra steps of exercise.

I found the trailer. Right outside and to left of the hospital. The donkey woman doesn't see it everyday as she goes to work and knows she has to direct thousands of misdirected people everyday? Oy.

Anyway, I go in and think "everything is ok now, we've made it, I have records and both sets of ID and a note from Mom. This should be a breeze now." Wrong. Let me tell you this is where I almost got arrested. Keep in mind we are Army dependents using an Air Force Base. I didn't think it was a big deal but apparently the idiot AF specialist behind the counter did.

Me: "I need a TB test for my son, please."

Her: "Do you have his shot records?"

Me: "I don't have the yellow booklet thingy that used to be used but I do have his records and all of his shots are documented in there"

Her: "Well, that's not going to do me any good because how will I record it?"

Me: "At our last post, they didn't record in the yellow books, they printed out a sheet and stuck in his medical records."

Her: " Are you Army?" (not in a nice tone or way either)

Me: "yes."

Her: " We don't SPEAK to the Army"

Pause: Ok, am I in the twilight zone? Is this really happening? Am I having this conversation while I'm awake? Who the heck are you to tell me you don't speak to the Army? Ok- taking a deep breath now and calming down because it's all going to be ok and I don't want to be handcuffed in front of my sons for reaching behind that counter and grabbing that smart-ass by the collar and asking for her commander.

Me: "Well, do you have a print out that looks just like the one I have here in my hand that I, myself, will be capable of adding to his records?"

Her: "Well, yeah."

Me: "Can he have the test then because if one more person reroutes me and tells me that I don't have the necessary documents, I might have to start asking for supervisors and commanders and then it can all go down hill from there."

Her: "Yes, I never said he couldn't have the test. Bring him on back."



Ok, I want to cause her bodily harm. Keep in mind that I really try to keep a smile on my face, say excuse me in public, say thank you when someone holds the door open for me and even go out of my way to help someone if I see a situation that warrants it no matter what kind of time line I'm on. It's the way I was brought up. I feel that this earth needs people to be kind to one another and not be in such a hurry and give each other a happy face once in awhile just for good measure. You never know, it could make someone's day.

Today, there was just so much that I could take and I really believe these people were giving me a hard time because we're Army. Excuse me, aren't we all on the same side? Don't we need all of the services to work together during war time, etc.? So what the hell makes the difference if I'm Army or Navy or blue or whatever? No offense to Air Force spouses out there. I know you, in particular, are not the ones behind the desk. I hope and pray that our Army system treats the other services with respect and kindness regardless of who you play for. And if any of you have experienced what I have within the Army system, I apologize profusely on their behalf. In my opinion, it's completely unacceptable.

Photo Contest

5 Minutes For Mom is having a photo contest for your favorite all time summer fun photo and the winner will win $500. Do you know what I could do with $500? A whole lot considering I'm about to start daycare for T-Monkey and two boys that need school clothes and, well the list goes on and on! Here's my submission:

This is a photo taken at the beginning of summer in Branson, Missouri. This is our soldier with his baby girl enjoying one of her all time favorite animals. She kept 'moo-ing' as we would pass cows on the way home so Daddy stopped the car and took her to see one up close. It will be one of my all time favorite summer time photos for many years to come. What a great memory!

We've Come Full Circle

Hey there! It has been way too long since I blogged last but I didn't really have great Internet access at my sister's home in Muncie , IN so I just opted not to stress and enjoy my time and write when we got home.
From my sister's home in IN it is a good 18 hours drive back to my home in Colorado. I obviously decided to get a hotel room half way since I was the only driver and I would like for my kids to see their next birthdays. They are good travelers for the most part but a few hours of my daughter speaking 'toddler' with no one figuring out what she truly wants, my teenager giving me a play by play of what's happening on his PSP college football game and my tween making fun of the Elmo movie that's been playing for hours on end- I think stopping half way, having a nice dinner and swimming at a hotel seemed like the best chance for their safety.
We stopped in Topeka, Kansas at the Holiday Inn. Wouldn't you know it they were having a marriage retreat there for couples from Fort Riley for soldiers and their spouses who were about to endure a deployment. Go figure. Good for them, however. I wish we could have had a weekend of therapy and babysitting before he left! But, I didn't let my mind settle on that because all 3 kids were about to pee their pants after seeing the gigantic twisty-turney water slide in the middle of the hotel. They couldn't get changed and get there fast enough! We ate dinner, reluctantly, and then spent two hours playing in the pool. I didn't think T-monkey was even going to get in with no baby pool but by the time we were all done, she was jumping in without holding my fingers. Dang it.

Football & Soccer enjoying the slide...

T-Monkey the first time she jumped in by herself!

We left Topeka this a.m. with a temperature of 104 and 100% humidity. Nice. Brings back memories of living in Kansas the last two years and almost re-living the Louisiana experience...it's way to hot and gross there to even mention. The long and boring 8 hour drive on I-70 through the rest of Kansas is enough to make you want to drink in the middle of the day but we finally made it to Colorado and stopped at a gift shop/travel plaza to walk around and grab a quick bite before driving the last hour home. I realized after going in it was the same place my soldier and I had stopped after finding a home in February to buy the kids a CO keepsake to get them excited for our new home. That brought a sweet memory! T-Monkey made herself at home with a huge bear right in the middle of the store and a sign behind it that says " Hug Me, Colorado Welcomes You!"....... I love this place.

T-Monkey and the best Teddy Bear she's ever laid eyes on.

So, now we're home and we're rested and we'll have to adjust to the altitude and time change all over again. But, really, it was all worth it to visit with family and have the last two weeks just fly by!

We have 3 and a half weeks under our belts now- can you believe it?!

Greetings from Indiana

We've made it to my soldier's parent's house in Indiana! We arrived late last night and I quickly thought how good it felt to be home. The boys didn't waste any time getting out of the car and running in and all T-Monkey could say when we pulled in the driveway was "Play, Play!" She' s only 23 months but it's as if she'd been here all her life. She knew where the toys were and most importantly, where the fish were! Grandma and Grandpa have lots of fish, some inside and some outside. It's her favorite thing. I know it warms his heart that we are all here right now.
The purpose for coming on this trip is two-fold. One, we all needed a break from the house we just moved in to that was feeling a little empty without our soldier. Don't get me wrong, we all LOVE that house and where we live and the blessings are definitely abundant. It's just so hard to start out in a new home with one of your family members absent. We want to experience the town but we also want to wait until our soldier can be with us. It's a very conflicting time. Two, Football's birthday is tomorrow and we usually end up in Indiana sometime in the summer for a visit and it usually happens to fall on his day. This year, I mentioned that I didn't think I could make that kind of trip by myself and I could see the HUGE disappointment on both of my boys' faces. So, when asked if he would rather do a second football camp or go to Grandma and Grandpa's for his birthday, Football answered without hesitation, "Let's hit the road!" I knew then we had to go.
This is a very special time for us. Although I would give just about anything for our soldier to be with us now, here in the home he grew up in, I have never felt anything but incredible love in this house even when I'm here without him.
They surround me with support, understanding and unconditional love. Can you even fathom? I'm constantly thanking God above for them. I don't feel like an 'in-law' here. They've never given me a reason to. There have been moments just today spending time with my 'sisters' laughing, talking and just hanging out where tears tried to come because it makes me remember the times when we have ALL been together like this. But in a strange way it also makes me feel very close to him right now and I so desperately need that. They are here for me and I know it and they lovingly endure my long winded talks about my soldier and every other story having to do with him. They deserve some kind of medal or standing ovation, you just have no idea!
So tomorrow, Football will be 14 (OMG-14!) and although we won't have our soldier here to celebrate with us, we have the next best thing....his amazing family.

First Stop on the Trip

Update: I did fix the GFCI!! I am so proud and all before leaving for Grandma's house.
Girl power, baby.
Anyway, we made the first leg of a 16 hour trip to my soldier's oldest sister's house in Nebraska. We arrived just in time for a wonderful dinner and relaxing evening. T-monkey took over the house and had so much fun that I forgot it was so late and just put her to bed 30 minutes ago! Football and Soccer were awesome and helpful and despite stopping for lunch at the most disgusting Wendy's on the face of the earth, we still managed to hang in there and have a few laughs. I'll try to send pictures once we make it to our final destination.
It's so good to be with family. My husband's family is wonderful and I am so blessed to have them. I think this trip is exactly what we needed to feel even closer to our soldier and to take our minds off the constant thoughts of him being absent in the home. I feel so loved and cared for and I can't tell you how much that is needed right now. They are all truly remarkable.
So I may or may not be able to write daily but I sure will try. Thanks for all of your encouraging words and for the tips on the electrical issues. Obviously, it helped!!

Thank you all for your insight on the shirt. I don't think anyone told me to wash it! I am definitely NOT going to wash it. By many who made the suggestion to put it on my pillow....I did that tonight as I was putting the clean sheets on! It really smells so good.

Today my patience has been tested. My T-Monkey is showing exactly how good she is at throwing tantrums when she doesn't get her way. We have one month until she turns two....couldn't she give me that last month?
Adding to list of maid, cook, laundromat and referee- I have added plumber and electrician. That's right, ladies. One of the boys put paper towel in the toilet, (for the love of Pete, why?)thus clogging it and making it overflow. No one claimed ownership of it but that's alright. Suck it up and drive on I always say.....or at least that's what the Army always says.
Next, I discovered that all the outlets in the two upstairs bathrooms and the outlets downstairs in the bar area do not work. That's right, I had to hunt around the house to find a working plug to plug my hair dryer into. At least I wasn't late for anything or in a hurry so I didn't panic. I checked the breaker box and flipped the switches but, of course, that didn't work. I called the only friend that we know out here- he is a long time friend of my husband, they went to Ranger school together- I thought maybe he could help since he had refinished his entire basement by himself putting in bathrooms and bedrooms, etc. Guess what, he hired an electrician!!!!! So, reluctantly I e-mailed my soldier and asked for suggestions all the while painting a bright and sunny, happy picture here at home so he won't worry. Aggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!
We leave for Grandma's in two days so maybe I just won't worry about any of this until we get back, right? Just let it go, enjoy the family and hope that somehow, magically I become an electrician in my sleep and I can fix it when I get back!

UPDATE- I had to pause to answer the phone and it was him....just what I needed. Now maybe I can fix the outlets after getting my instructions! BTW, he is doing well, sounds a little tired but discovered they have a Taco Bell over there. Life is good.

His Shirt

I was going through, sorting laundry and I found the T-shirt my soldier was wearing the night before he left. It smells so good, so much like him- even if he did work all day in it. There's even a mascara mark on it from when he held me and let me 'cry it out'- if you remember in my story. I'm not in the fetal position or anything but I have to say that I suddenly think I have a weird attachment to this shirt.

I finally broke down today and washed our sheets because, well, after 8 months I don't think they would smell or feel pretty anymore! The question is, do I wash this T-shirt or do I just keep it handy to sniff a time or two when I need something to help me feel close to him? I have a set of dog tags that I made way back when he left on his first deployment and I usually wear them for the duration until he comes home. That helps, you know, it's a physical symbol that I can touch. It prompts some people to ask me about them,which is ok, because it gives me an outlet to brag about him, which I could do all day.

So, if you were in my shoes......to wash or not to wash?

A Day Full of Blessings

I am uplifted today and thanking you all for your prayers and praising God for how I feel.

I began my day dreading the fact that I had to go and get my driver's license renewed. I had puffy eyes from staying up to late after my midnight phone call from my soldier. It's all worth it but I really don't want to look like an old hag in my DL photo. However, I had to do it today because I've also decided to take the kids on a road trip next week to Grandma's house. Don't want Mommy to go to jail with an expired license, right? Anyway, this may seem small to some of you but do you know how hard it is to renew your license when you move every 2-3 years. Not fun. Well, I walked in took a number and sat down with irritation and the 3 million people sitting inside. To my surprise, my number was called within 5 minutes of sitting down. I had taken an eye exam, registered to vote, and had my new picture taken all within 15 minutes of entering the building. AND not to mention, every DMV employee was nice and smiling. Am I in Pleasantville or what? I took that blessing and ran with it.

Next, I get home feeling very accomplished and there was a knock at the door. Two ladies who were on their morning walk had a set of keys in their hands and was wondering if they were mine because the key matched the Honda sitting in the garage...which I left open, and I never do that. They were my keys! I knew I had misplaced them but thought they were buried in the diaper bag along with everything else on my list and that was my next task for the day....find the keys. Tracking my steps, I realized I must have dropped them out of my pocket when I went to get the neighbors mail across the street who is out of town. They had been run over, the keyless entry is toast but the house key and everything else was still in tact. Can you believe that? I'm telling you, I'll take that one too.

Then, it has been storming all day here in Colorado and the sun finally came out but it was still raining. I told my sons to go search for a rainbow. Not just any rainbow.....a double rainbow .....which is a sign to us in our family that everything is going to be ok. It was right outside of my house! I walked out on my deck from my bedroom and it was the most beautiful, vibrant, FULL DOUBLE rainbow I have every seen in my life. I took a thousand pics and couldn't wait to share them with the family. You see, this is a sign of peace and hope and a promise that everything is going to be ok. We were blessed with one each time my soldier deployed and sure enough all was well and many blessings came from such hard times. This one today, it brought me to my knees, I tell ya. I called my MIL right away and she cried and I cried. I sent the pics to my soldier as fast as I could. I feel so incredible right now despite everything. Your prayers are working ladies, thank you so much.

I Am In Awe

I am so inspired! I have to thank all of you for writing and showing support and just sending positive thoughts and prayers my way. I am stunned at the support I have received and I don't know any of you except for my precious SIL Beth. BTW, kudos to her for helping me get started, designing my blog- which I absolutely love - and sending you all over to show me support. Is there anything that little girl can't do?
I also have to send kudos and much thanks to Crooked Eyebrow whom I have never met but is close to Beth and has shown me support like my own family would. Thanks so much!
I have to say I am so incredibly encouraged after reading the comments. I am almost addicted to them! Football asked me if I was ever going to get off of the computer tonight so we could go and run some plays later! Pace yourself, right?
I'm not kidding when I say my mood has dramatically improved since reading your comments. I feel strong again. I was beginning to fade a little after trying to clean the house with a toddler stuck to my leg all the while checking e-mail every 10 minutes to see if he had written yet, taking all three to the commissary...hungry, and catching Soccer peeing on the rocks in the back yard in broad daylight. I am now refreshed and ready to do it all over again tomorrow.....I think.
Anyway, what wonderful women you all are to show such great support and love to a perfect stranger. And to all of you Military wives out there, I got your back just as much as you have mine.
Much Love and Appreciation,
Teresa

One Week Ago, Today

One week ago today, my soldier left. The kids and I have been hanging in there despite not really knowing anyone in town. The only neighbor I know is gone for the next few weeks. We have been playing badmitten, football, Frisbee and driving our little T-monkey (my 23 month old daughter) around in her new little push car. I can tell they are starting to get a little anxious and all of us are trying our best to adjust.

My oldest, we'll call him 'Football' is amazing. He has stepped right up and been my right hand man these past few days. He has babysat so I can clean. He has stayed up with me at night watching t.v. when I can't sleep. He has even cleaned up a mess that T-monkey made without me having to ask. I am so impressed I can't believe it. I know he understands these deployments differently now. I think he realizes there is a lot that happens when Dad has to be gone. It's so weird how he's seems so old right now. The last time daddy left, he was still in elementary school.



My middle son, Soccer, is coping. I think he's testing new boundaries because he doesn't quite know what else to do. He is such a sweet boy with a loving heart. So when he acts out, I know he doesn't mean it. I think he's just really confused about how to feel and how to cope. I'm keeping those lines of communication open though and I know when he's ready, we'll talk.



My little T-monkey, who in the past, has been very independent and non-clingy won't let me out of her site for a minute. She's the baby that wants you to put her to bed and leave her alone and give her some space. These days, however, she senses the change in the house. She asks for Dada and I try my best to explain to her that he is far away but he loves her and misses her. I made a book for her with pictures in it of just her and Dada and she carries it everywhere. She loves to look at the pictures. She has been clingy and really won't stand for me to walk out of the room. She's going to bed ok, but she calls for me and painfully I have to wait it out. Otherwise, she wouldn't get any sleep either and that's no good for anyone involved!



I'm still trying to find my rhythm. It usually takes a couple of weeks so I won't rush it. I need to accept that he is not here and this is going to take awhile. I keep trying to picture the banners I'm going to make for him for when he comes home and the Christmas box the kids and I will put together for him in a couple of months. Right now I can only think of the fact that he left a week ago today. All of those emotions and the big, fat, lonely bedroom I can't stand to be in at the moment are all around me and I can't seem to shake it. I will though. I just need to be patient. I'm not very good at that these days. I guess because we've been through this 3 times before I just want to rush through the hard stuff. I know better. I know I will get through this- I have to.

On an upbeat note, my soldier and I have written everyday and he has called twice. He is trying to find his routine there as well. He says conditions are actually good. He has air-conditioning and his own room and the bathrooms have improved since he was there last. I am SO grateful for that! We are looking into getting Internet in his room- they'll charge him $60.00 a month for it - way to support the soldiers, huh? Anyway, at least then we could get web-cams and see each other once in awhile. I don't know what I'd do with myself! He sounds so good and positive. I'm so thankful.

I'll keep searching for that groove I desperately want to slip into. I know it's coming- I know I need to take a deep breath, slow down and stop fighting this. It is what it is and I know I can do it. Patience, man, patience.