Sunday, November 30, 2008

It Won't Be Long Now

I hope everyone had a wonderful and peaceful Thanksgiving. I want to thank everyone who was so supportive and left comments about my Wal-Mart experience. It's seriously great therapy!

Our Thanksgiving was good and bad, just as expected. Since I have written last, I have decorated my entire house for Christmas and had a friend from school, her husband, her sister and friend over for dinner on Turkey Day. Although my dinner was perfect, my table was gorgeous and my friends were a great distraction, I have to tell you that I had one hell of a time keeping it together.
I couldn't do the usual things that take place on Thanksgiving morning. I usually get up, prep the turkey and get it in the oven, watch the Macy's parade on T.V. and spend most of my morning and afternoon in the kitchen while the kids and my soldier play and frequently visit the kitchen to snack. This particular Thanksgiving, however, had a few curve balls in there for me.

I got up at 6:30 a.m.- no, I didn't need to prep the turkey that early- I tossed and turned and worried and went crazy all night long so finally when I rolled over and it was a decent enough hour to get up I thanked heaven and got in the shower. I just wanted to get this day started and over with. I got ready, had my coffee and started my ritual of watching the Macy's parade while doing my hair and I'm not sure what happened to me but I started to cry. Nothing sad, yet, on the show just the fact that I was watching it and having memories of Thanksgivings' passed I guess it got the best of me. Thank goodness the kids were still in bed.
Then, James Taylor sang America the Beautiful and I had to turn it off. I was sobbing by now and decided to call my sister in Indiana for some greatly needed support and focus. She just kept telling me it won't be long now and that I can do this- I have to do this. And she was right.

I pulled it together and got the turkey going and starting preparing other dishes for the dinner and was expecting my company by 2:00. I checked e-mail and my soldier had said they had prepared a very nice dinner for them and everything was really great but that he wasn't hungry. Ok, so I think I'm on crying spurt number 3 by this point. He's always hungry. He was obviously having the kind of day that I was and I couldn't do anything about it but to tell him how much I loved him and that it wouldn't be long now......keep telling yourself that, I thought.
The final straw that broke this Army wife's back was my little girl finally getting comfortable with our company and calling my friend's husband, 'Daddy'. I kept trying to tell her no, that it was Mr. Ryan but it didn't matter. I kept showing her our soldier's picture and she would say 'Daddy' and kiss the picture but she wouldn't call my friend by his name. Technically he is a soldier too and his hair is the same color and length as my soldier so maybe that was similar to her but I tell you, that was like a knife in the gut. My friend was comforting though and she kept reminding me that it won't be long now until he's home.
After they had gone, I was really doing pretty well. It was late and we were all getting ready for bed and I happened to notice that my oldest, Football, was trying to hide his pain and tears. Oh, God, how much more of this will I be able to take? I knew what I had to do. I just went over to him and wrapped my arms around him and said "It won't be long now."

We have all survived this holiday and are just looking forward to getting the other two under our belts because we know time will just fly by after that and then God willing he'll be home. I'm staying positive as best I can. I can't listen to Christmas music very much unless it's the 40's oldies that are so jolly and happy because otherwise I'm an emotional mess. I know I'm very blessed because I've never known the holidays to be any different than just happy and beautiful and joyful. So, my sadness makes me think of all those people out there who dread the holidays each and every year for one reason or another. Those are the people I want to pray for. Those are the folks that I wish would experience the kind of joy that I usually do this time of year. Because I have to tell you, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to fight through so far. I just miss him so very much. He's such a great part of this family and it's hard not to have our family complete during this time. We will get through this however. Like my sister said, we have to.
I will leave you with a few pictures of the house and the 'happy' that I've tried to spread throughout our home. I am ok. We all are. We are doing pretty well I think. Just please pray for my soldier and for my family that we continue to be safe and have the strength to get through this season.

This is little T-Monkey and her delight as she discovered the Christmas tree after her nap!

This is our 'Charlie Brown' Christmas tree! It's very little but the 9 footer we have is just too much for me to handle so we settled for something a little easier to manage.

I just love a pretty mantle at Christmas time, don't you?
And finally, the boys enjoying our 14 inches of snow we got today. It was so beautiful and quiet. I love how snow 'blankets' you like it did today. I hate to drive in it but I love it far more than I hate it.


Crooked Eyebrow said...

I finally made it threw without crying because I can feel your pain through your writing.

They are right though,It won't be long now...

I can not wait to read and see about the day your soldier comes home. It won't be long now...

Crooked Eyebrow said...

So you are in for the shrinking challenge? Good for you!

Tammy said...

It won't be long now. I can't wait for your soilder to be home. I know this is very hard for you, but you're doing exactly what you're suppose to. Tears is stress leaving the body, let them flow.
Hugs to you and your gang.